The Oscars Are Old!

WD Fyfe

oscars

This year, the Oscars have snuck up on me because – uh – well — for the first time in living memory, I don’t really care. This isn’t a sudden revelation: it’s been building for a few years.  Oscar and I are just not that into each other anymore.  It’s sad to lose a lifetime lover, but we’ve grown apart, Oscar and I, and I’m probably going to spend the evening playing with my new friends on Netflix.  So what happened?  Oscar gotold.

I’ll grant you I’m no spring chicken, myself.  I can clearly remember the night Oliver, a piece of junk musical, beat The Lion in Winter, for Best Picture – what a shock!  But that’s what Oscar used to be – wild and unpredictable.  It was magic.  It was fun, and everybody wanted to know who won.  These days, despite its chiseled abs and…

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I’m Scared Of The Mob (2018)

WD Fyfe

I’m a coward.  I’m scared of the mob.

Social Media Carolyn Bourcier 

One of the problems with observing our modern world is you spend most of your life in fear.  This comes from having an opinion and voicing it outside the comfy confines of your own head.  It’s a truism in the 21st century that, whenever you say anything about anything, you’re going to piss off somebody.  Most people get all free-speech-macho about this, but when push comes to shove, everybody knows that our society is unforgiving around unguarded opinions.  More importantly, when the mob turns against you, you’re punished severely.  This is why we’ll never produce a contemporary Mark Twain: the consequences of unedited thoughts, in today’s world, are just too dangerous.  Far better to be momentarily safe than monumentally sorry.  Thus, people with pens tend to stick to the road most travelled.  Unfortunately, that road is crowded with…

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It’s Travel Season

WD Fyfe

travelOMG! It’s travel season!  I almost missed it this year ’cause I’m not actually travelling.  Why?  It’s a long story but the punch line is (like most punch lines) money — or the eternal lack of it.  However,  here are a few tips so YOU can get the most for YOUR money when travelling.

Before You Go:

1 – Learn “Hi,” “Good-bye,” “Please,” “Thank You,” What Time?” “How Much?” and “Where’s the toilet?” in the language of your destination.  You’ll get more information, accurate directions and better service.  Or you can just practice pointing and grunting.  That works too.

2 – Pack one suitcase — one. Make sure you can lift it over your head.  If you can’t, keep taking stuff out of it until you can. If you still can’t — stay home!

3 – Watch YouTube videos of your destination.  Ignore everything but the people in the…

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Wonder Woman: A Few Words

WD Fyfe

feministUnless you’ve been vacationing on one of the moons of Jupiter for the last year, you know that the movie Wonder Woman is being released today.  In fact, if you’re at all interested, you’ve probably seen most of the good bits on YouTube already.  However, Wonder Woman is a significant film: it made the BBC’s list of What to Watch in June.  (That’s right! The list that’s normally reserved for thoughtful, dark  tragedies, lit only by the glow of their English subtitles.) So, why is Wonder Woman such a biggie?  I can think of a couple of reasons.

1 — It’s the latest offensive in the Great Franchise Wars.  DC and Marvel Comics have been battling it out for the hearts and minds of post-pubescent spenders since the 1960s, kinda like Coke and Pepsi.  DC had an early advantage with name recognition characters like Superman, Batman and — yes —…

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Employment Opportunity – Austria

WD Fyfe

hermitI love the British Broadcasting Corporation!  In a time when 99% of the gutter-feeding media are giving the other 1% a bad name, the Beeb (as it is affectionately called) is a bastion of reasonable thought.  For example, last week they reported that the village of Saalfelden in Austria was in the market for a hermit.  Apparently, the hermit they had retired last autumn, and they haven’t been able to fill the position.  This is real news — the kind of news that not only informs us but also makes us think.  Particularly, I was thinking, “Wow!  I didn’t know the world still had hermits.  I thought the old guy down the road, talking to his vegetables, was just nuts.”  It surprises me that being a hermit is a genuine profession from which some people do retire.  And that knowledge opens up a whole can of other questions; not the…

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Shameless Self Promotion

I love this book. Check it out!

WD Fyfe

Cover final.jpgThe Woman In The Window is not about relationships.  It’s about the delicious ache in the bottom of your belly — that sweet primeval that won’t go away; the wolf of our emotions, hungry and hunting.  These eight tales are about people who have been living their lives cocooned in their accumulated habits, but suddenly, by chance or by choice, they travel beyond the reach of their familiar world.  Without the thin cloak of everyday life around them, they find themselves alone in the wilderness, trying to understand whether they are prey or predator.

In “The Last Romance Of Jasper Conrad,” Frances says to Jasper, “Just – just because I’m ordinary doesn’t mean I can’t have something more.  I look around and I see my life and …”  But Frances isn’t ordinary, and Jasper knows that.

In “The Dying of Daniel,” when Susan asks “… God, are we ever going…

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Advice For Millennials

WD Fyfe

millenialsI’m an optimist.  However, I must admit ever since the Millennials began drifting out of the universities and into the general population, I’m losing my girlish laughter.  Seriously! These people are difficult to deal with.  It’s like playing chess with a pigeon — they don’t actually understand the game, but they strut around the board as if they invented it.  Lighten up, folks!  Here’s some advice.  It might not make your lives any better, but it’ll certainly help all the people around you get on with theirs.

1 — Nobody in the real world gives a damn about your feelings.  Being over-sensitive about everything doesn’t mean you’re a unique, complicated or interesting person; it means you’re an emotional train wreck who doesn’t have any coping skills.

2 — I think it’s wonderful that you want a totally cool job that utilizes your intelligence, ability and years of education. …

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7 Things I Love About Canada and 1 More

WD Fyfe

Today is Canada Day — Canada’s Birthday — and, in honour of the day, here are seven things I love about my country and one I hate.

canada arm

1 — Aside from the Brits, Canadians have the coolest flag on the planet.

2 — My country is incredibly beautiful.  For some strange reason, cameras love Canada the way French pigs love truffles.  I suppose it helps that 90% of the country doesn’t have any people in it, but for drop-dead gorgeous, even our slums aren’t that bad.

3 — Canada is safe.  Yeah, yeah, yeah! There are places in this country where you don’t want to be stranded, drunk off your ass, at two in the morning.  The thing is, though, those places are 2 — maybe 3– hundred kilometres outside any established urban area, and the local inhabitants there don’t want to rob you — they want to eat

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The War On Plaid

WD Fyfe

tartan ribbonNovember 30th was St. Andrew’s Day* and I’m declaring war on plaid.  Why?  Last week, after seven unoffending years, a free yoga class at the University of Ottawa, in Canada, was cancelled because of “cultural issues.” (Call it “cultural appropriation.”)  WTF?  Apparently, Downward Dog is a symbol of oppression.  Too bad, so sad — you’re probably better off doing Tai Chi, anyway.  (Ooops!)  But that’s not my point.

If the progressive world wishes to fight for the rights of an oppressed minority, they need look no further than the mean streets and heathery footpaths of Scotland.  Trapped on an island with the great bogeyman of European cultural tyranny, the English — and their minions, the Welsh — we Scots have been getting oppressed for so long it looks like normal to the rest of the world.  And the litany of shame is long.

For centuries, Scots have smiled through the…

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Germaine Greer vs Caitlyn Jenner

WD Fyfe

female eunuchPaleo-feminist Germaine Greer certainly has a lot to say these days, including, “Just because you lop off your dick and then wear a dress, doesn’t make you a fucking woman.”  Nice try. Ms. Greer!  You are clearly disagreeing with the transgender community — that’s called transphobia.  Have you ever had your dick lopped off?  I think not.

It’s pretty safe to say that Germaine Greer doesn’t have a clue what contemporary feminism is all about.  Her book The Female Eunuch was written 45 years ago, and here — in the 21st century — feminist priorities are different.  For example, when asked what the hardest thing about being a woman in 2015 was, Caitlyn Jenner, Glamour Magazine‘s Woman of the Year replied, “Figuring out what to wear.”  It’s obvious that the world has moved on since the days when economic and political inequality dominated the feminist narrative.  Shaved legs and…

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